i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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