Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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