so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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