and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
