I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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