Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
