i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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