A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
