Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
