They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
