Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
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no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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