i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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