im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
