My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
They are going to name an STD after you.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
