He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
