Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
