I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
