Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
