Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
