Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
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