She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize