so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
