I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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