goodnight i made you a song goodbye
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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