You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
