Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
