Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
