I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
