I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
