you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Randomize
