i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
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i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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