do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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