I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
