where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
