Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
