So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
