do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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