I am puke
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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