she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
