i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
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One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
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I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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