For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
