we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
