You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Randomize
