is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Im part way to drunk.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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