dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I would fuck him just for his dog
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
