the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
