So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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