sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
