My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
