I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
