So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize