she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
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I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
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Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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