Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
