To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
