I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
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he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
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I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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