If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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