I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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