WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
